Driven to Distraction

(Original edit of article for Taxi magazine)

 

The police have been criticised for being slow to prosecute drivers exceeding London’s 20mph speed limits – probably because they’ve more important work to do, like apprehending  fire engines crewed by Extinction Rebellion, and yachts on Oxford Street. The bad news is that new 20mph roads are coming soon, and the authorities are calibrating more cameras to catch speed freaks. These 20mph limits are just another money-making scheme dreamed up by hard-up councils. Anyway, can you remember when you last exceeded 20mph on any road in Central London?

Speed is reported to be a factor in 5% of road accidents. Distraction is the biggest cause. Mobile phone use gets a lot of coverage, but there are many more distractions. I’d venture that some of the biggest distractions are those 20mph signs. As soon as you see them your eyes are involuntarily taken off the road and drawn down to your speedometer. The signs don’t usually exist in isolation either; they are just added to the cluster of other signs that we feel compelled to read as we try to concentrate on the driving. While scanning both sides of the road for red and white warning signs, and yellow diversion signs, you’ll also be checking the road below as you negotiate miles of speed bumps. If you are in Islington and want to avoid the horrors of the new system at Highbury Corner, Liverpool Road proves to be a very bumpy and frustrating short cut to Holloway. We all know that Islington like their traffic cameras.

The yellow road closure signs are the hardest to read. The closure details are often crudely written in marker pan, or contain so many words that you’re never going to take in all the information in one go.

We all have our favourites coming in and out of work. Driving in and out of London every workday my eyes are always drawn to the large yellow signs around the junction of Finchley Road and Hendon Way. The signs warn of pointless time-bound closures of Briardale Gardens and Pattison Road. There are a lot of words on those signs: I thought about counting them for the purposes of this article, but that’s like giving in to madness. They’re huge signs, but on a 40mph road like Hendon Way I defy anyone to read every word as they fly past avoiding the buses and coaches pulling in to the middle lane as we merge into Finchley Road. Further down towards Swiss Cottage I’ve sometimes wanted to read the parking restrictions, but you can’t make sense of complex parking rules while you’re moving, and Finchley Road isn’t a place to stop and sightsee.

The signs are often inaccurate: I noticed September’s closure of Fetter Lane started several days early. I never got to read the signs at the southern end of Gray’s Inn Road before the closures. I assume the closures came and went; but a new sign went up the following week at the new closure caught me out. I like the way they keep these signs up to warn us off London completely. I suppose it’s the modern equivalent of putting heads on spikes outside the Tower of London. As I write this I’ve noticed a yellow sign in Brook Street just before Hanover Square. Unless I’m the first cab at that junction I’ll probably not get to read that, so I’ll prepare myself for a nasty surprise if I need Hanover Square in the next few weeks.

I don’t know if driving standards have got worse over the years. Possibly. Driving conditions have certainly got harder. Current road closures are the worst I’ve ever known – and this is before Extinction Rebellion’s October uprising. Bridge Street, New Bridge Street, Oxford Street, Piccadilly Underpass, Brompton Road and Hammersmith Bridge don’t even get mentioned on the traffic reports any more. There are too many to report on, so only a selection of new ones make the bulletins. Hopefully, these closures are temporary; but you never know. I’m surprised they’re working to fix Hammersmith Bridge. It’s going to take three years, and I’m surprised Boris didn’t commandeer it as his garden bridge.

Those are the closures for works. It’s the other closures that are more troubling. All too often we are prevented from doing our job effectively and providing a door to door service. Just recently I’ve come across unexpected restrictions in Bute Street and Enford Street. Time-bound restrictions are the most irritating of them all. Lloyd Baldwin listed many closures in Taxi 452. It made grim reading. As Lloyd pointed out, the timings vary too. Many roads are now closed at certain times of the day around schools. There were no road closures when I was at school. We had to walk on the pavement. We could try driving on the pavements like the cyclists, but there’s probably a law against that too.

Access All Areas?

Original edit of article written for Taxi magazine. For hard users only: this one’s a bit technical if you’re not used to driving in London.

 

People take taxis for many reasons: for work, for pleasure; and sometimes when they have little choice. Sometimes people have luggage they need to get across London to a rail station or airport. People need to make hospital appointments, and a taxi is often chosen because it’s fully accessible. Sometimes a cab is taken in an emergency. It’s an uncomfortable feeling knowing we sometimes thrive on the misfortune of others. More positively, a ride in a cab could be part of a holiday or a Christmas treat. The common denominator in every case is that the customer expects a door to door service. This is our unique selling point. Increasingly, our USP has become impossible to deliver.

Over the last few years the number of roads closed off to us has increased dramatically. The good work in making Russell Square two-way was undermined when other parts of Bloomsbury were closed off in 2015. Many people with limited mobility need to get around the many hospitals and clinics in the Bloomsbury area, and journeys have been made slower – and consequently more expensive – for them. It’s become virtually impossible to set down passengers in some streets, notably Tavistock Place. I’ve done a fair amount of Taxicard work on ComCab recently, but I wouldn’t relish trying to unload a wheelchair in this one-way, single lane, thoroughfare. In late-2018, more roads were blocked off around Bloomsbury Square and more banned turns came in. Lord knows how difficult things could become accessing the UCH if Tottenham Court Road is closed to taxis.

Many people with limited mobility rely on taxis to get them around: you wouldn’t believe how many Taxicard jobs involve West End theatres. It’s now impossible to load a wheelchair at the door of the Lyceum Theatre.

The Ned hotel in the City is inaccessible for most of the day. Last year, certain streets around Shoreditch were closed to motor vehicles at certain times of the day. Hardly a day goes by without streets being closed off; some of them destined never to be re-opened. The whole area around King’s Cross and St. Pancras Stations is a mess. Goodsway eastbound has been closed for several months, with no indications when it might re-open. The sudden closure at the top of Judd Street has resulted in misery. There are no signs informing us of what’s happening, or whether it’ll ever re-open. Many vehicle drivers think they can use Mabledon Place to escape the misery, only to find they’re being forced to turn right. The authorities should have allowed a left turn to alleviate this problem, but no; as usual, they are keeping vehicles on the roads as long as possible, thus adding to congestion and pollution.

Things used to be so much easier. Allow me to put on my psychedelic rose-tinted specs as I reflect on the time when you used to be able to drive straight down from Gresham Street on to Southwark Bridge using King Street, Queen Street and Queen Street Place. Southwark Bridge is near enough impossible to access from the west. Blackfriars is little better. The closure of Stonecutter Street causes bus congestion in Charterhouse Street, and forces other folk aiming for the bridge to drive around the smaller streets around Tudor Street – when our progress isn’t hampered by giant cranes and orange barriers.

Al Fresco reminded us of the joys of St Bride’s Street in a recent Taxi article. Indeed, when I started out we used to be able to drive straight up St Bride’s Street into Shoe Lane from just off Ludgate Circus. St Bride’s Street is now closed to through traffic, except bikes. As I sit on the Goldman Sachs rank I watch cycles scattering the suits as they quite legally tear along the path alongside the office blocks. It’s painful watching lorries making deliveries and being forced to reverse out past the Boris Bike park, cab rank, motorcycle parking area, and huge piles of building materials. It’s a miserable road for anyone who has to access this hazardous little road.

Occasionally one-way streets are opened up to two-way traffic. Baker Street and Gloucester Place worked OK as one-way streets, but we now have to sit behind buses on a single lane and swerve in and out of Right Turn lanes. It’s probably too early to provide a definitive assessment of this system, but I daresay I could get 900 words out of it another time.

Any useful road is ruined eventually. The War on Diesel ensures that the pollution side of things will eventually lessen, but it’s going to be many years before we’ve all gone electric. By that time I don’t think there will be any roads worth using anyway.

Real Life Scenarios

(Original edit of article written for Taxi magazine)

From December 4^th, the driving test is being updated to respond to the demands of 21^st century driving, and real life scenarios will take the place of some familiar features.  Following a satnav will form part of the test, and reversing around corners will become history.  Does this mean obeying an electrical device is more important than parking and reversing?

Certainly not.  Anyway, removing reversing from the test was something of a media scare story in the lead up to a quiet Easter break.  The radio stations I listened to neglected to say that although reversing around corners, and three-point turns, won’t be tested; bigger and better additions are on the menu.  Reversing in and out of a bay, and parallel parking, are new features that could be asked for.  As most people have to reverse into a parking bay at some time or another the changes seem a good idea.

I’m less sure about the satnav element of the test though.  Many people use a satnav, but it’s not essential.  You can drive perfectly safely without a satnav – in fact I’d say it’s safer without the distraction.  One in five driving tests will feature a satnav, supplied and set up by the examiner.  The daft thing about it is that you’ll “be able to ask the examiner for confirmation of where you’re going if you’re not sure.  It won’t matter if you go the wrong way unless you make a fault while doing it.”  In this case, I don’t see much point.

The Drive

Driving tests bring back both good and bad memories from my past.  I passed my regular driving test at the second attempt nine months after I started the Knowledge.  As for the taxi driving test, these days you take the “Drive” when you are still on the Knowledge.  Back in the eighties this was the final hurdle before gaining your badge.  I’d finished the Knowledge, but still had the Drive hanging over me.  I didn’t know it at the time, but I was to have an even longer gap before I was let loose on the public.

The taxi driving test centre was in Southgate Road at the corner of Balls Pond Road (predictably now a block of flats).  As I drove out of the gate with the examiner in the back, someone stopped me and asked for directions.  This threw me, and I ended up making mistakes and failing the test.

I failed the next one too.  Reversing around cones evidently wasn’t my strong point.  I was also told off for driving above thirty miles per hour on what the examiner called the “Turkish Sector” on Green Lanes.  I’d apparently run a red light to boot.  I swear it was amber guv.

Advanced Driving Test for London

If things continue, most cars in London will be mini-cabs before long.  I wonder if this is the idea behind the satnav test?  The GOV.UK website says the changes to the driving test “are designed to make sure new drivers have the skills they’ll need to help them through a lifetime of safe driving.” Perhaps there should be a special advanced test for London driving?  I can think of some real life scenarios that could be incorporated into future taxi tests, and in any future private hire driving test.  Here are some scenarios that could be used (no satnav allowed):

• You’ve never driven in London before. Make a left turn on to Blackfriars Road without accidently driving into the oncoming cycle lane
• You’re heading west along the Cycle Super Highway intending to turn left on to Westminster Bridge. You then realise it’s a banned turn.  Can you work out how to make it over the bridge?  Please explain to your examiner why on earth the left turn on to Westminster Bridge should be outlawed.  Extra points will be awarded if you can say how much more time and mileage you’ve wasted, and how much pollution the extra mileage has caused
• You are in Museum Street aiming for the City. The traffic is turning right into Bloomsbury Way, but the signs are indicating Ahead Only.  Do you go straight ahead as directed or follow everyone else?
• Both outside lanes on New Bond Street are blocked by vans and mini-cabs. Try to stick to the middle lane the whole length of the road without letting other vehicles push in
• Attempt to drive between Ye Olde Swiss Cottage and Platt’s Lane on Finchley Road (either direction). You will be required to remain in the Bus Lane at all times.  A taxi will be provided for the test
• Emergency Braking section: from a steady thirty miles per hour, brake when the light turns amber and stop before the advance cycle srea
• From Cranbourn Street, go straight ahead as if to drop a passenger off at the Hampshire Hotel in Leicester Square. This section tests how you deal with surly rickshaw drivers, and how you negotiate crowds of pedestrians looking at their phones
• From Cartwright Gardens you are bound for St Pancras International. There’s a giant crane blocking the whole of Mabledon Place.  What do you do?

In this section satnavs can be used:

• Set your satnav from Manor House Station to Gibson Square. Your mission is to make the journey in the estimated time.  Take care with the speed bumps and twenty miles per hour speed limit
• While listening to difficult jazz, use any combination of map, satnav, or direction signs, and find your way to Trafalgar Square, Parliament Square, Hyde Park Corner and Marble Arch on a Sunday afternoon. Oh, there’s a march and rally starting right now on Park Lane.  It was too late to tell you, sorry.

Writing as a self-styled consultant I reckon I have the essentials of London driving covered.  I’m now working on a driving test for driverless cars.